Tobi Torture
by Fullmidget Alchemist
Summary: Fun times all around when the Akatsuki find new and exciting ways to torture everyone's favourite ninja Tobi! The end is nigh! Tobi's in Akatsuki now, Itachi's blind, Deidara's fanboying over Ishida from Bleach, and Kakuzu has...problems. R&R!
1. Blind Itachi and Doggie Toy Tobi

Hello again! I'm here to announce the beginning of a new series called: "Tobi Torture', in which we make up new and funny ways to torture/kill/make fun of everyone's favourite aspiring Akatsuki; TOBI! I love Tobi! Yay!

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS! IF I DID, ITACHI WOULD BE MY "PERSONAL" SLAVE!**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

Tobi was given a rather rude awakening. He had been hiding under Deidara's bed in order to remain at Akatsuki HQ unnoticed, but unfortunatley, Deidara had peeked under his bed while looking for a missing sock, and upon seeing the young man, screamed a very girly scream 'EEEK!' and proceeded to throw Tobi out the window.

A few hours later, Tobi regained consciousness and wandered back into the Akatsuki building-thingy. Then was promptly thrown out the door again by a less-than-sane Deidara.

"Aww...let him stay, Deidara. What's he ever done to you?", the venus-flytrap man's back side said

"HE WAS HIDING UNDER MY BED!" Deidara said, still shaking from the startling discovery only a few hours earlier.

"Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi shouted from the yard.

"Yes, Tobi's a good boy." Zetsu's white half said this time as they beckoned Tobi back inside. For pancakes too!

Tobi sat down in the seat farthest from the crazy blonde and took a few pancakes. "Thank you, Zetsu-san.". Next to him, Uchiha Itachi sat, tired looking, with his normal eyes instead of the usual red sharingan. The young man's dark eyes were slightly frosted over, showing the weaker side of the S-ranked criminal. Yes, Uchiha Itachi was blind. or at least, nearly blind, without his sharingan. However sad this might have been, it could be very amusing to watch him eat. Tobi watched as Itachi picked up a spoon instead of a fork, and stuck it into the table, instead of his pancakes. he pulled it up, dislodging a rather large piece of the table and shoving it in his mouth. Or, at least he was able to slam himself in the face with a piece of wood. Tobi couldn't help himself, he laughed and sent the piece of pancake he had been chewing flying right towards Kisame's face.

Itachi noticed the young man's laughter, and, not being in a very forgiving mood, took it upon himself to 'repremand' the yound ninja.

"TSUKIYOMI!"

Tobi opened his eyes to find himself submerged in a red-and-black world. Itachi stepped over to him. "I'm glad to see you find my blindness so amusing" he said in a menacing tone. "Now, for the next 72 hours, you will be...A CHEW TOY FOR THIS DOGGIE!" Itachi pointed at a small bulldog who was grinning with all its jagged teeth. Itachi sat down on a mangekyou-version chain and watched as the doggie had fun with his new 'toy'.

"NOOOOOOO!"

* * *

w00t! Blind Itachi and dog-toy Tobi!Sorry if it was short..!I have no idea what I was thinking when i wrote this, butI hope you like it! Review please; and in your reviews you can suggest means of torture for poor Tobi!

**SIEG BALL!**

**oOoOoOo**


	2. Miniskirts

Wahahaha! Chapter 2 of Tobi Torture has finally been completed! Thanks to Beetchy Bebeh for the miniskirt idea.

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! THAT RIGHT BELONGS TO THE VERY LUCKY MASASHI KISHIMOTO!I DO NOT OWN ANY FRATERNITIES EITHER!**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

As Tobi tugged at the hem of the pink..._thing_...he wondered how Deidara and Kisame had mangaed to con him into wearing pink. Much less a pink _miniskirt _that _sooo_ didn't highlight his legs, as Zetsu had said.

* * *

_-flashback-

* * *

_

"Mrgdgmlft...hnn", Deidara was obviously saying something, but it couldn't be comprehended through his mouthful of fluffy, pancake-y goodness. Not that anyone would have paid attention to what he said anyways.

"Deidara, please don't talk with your mouth full." Sasori said, disgusted.

"Yes, mom." Deidara muttered. Bad move, for at that precise moment Sasori took the pan that he had been cooking the pancakes in and slammed it down on Deidara's fluffy blonde head. A rather loud 'OWWWWW!' was heard throughout Akatsuki HQ. Tobi, who had finished his career as a doggie-toy and was now proceeding to eat pancakes again, once again couldn't resist the urge to laugh, but was promptly slapped by a rather pissed-off Deidara.

"Okay, Tobi-san, if you think its so funny, then YOU let Sasori hit you with a frying pan and let me laugh at you, un!"

Tobi took the gender-confused Iwa-nin's suggestion a little too seriously, and a moment later he was seen with a large lump on his head. "Like this, Zetsu-san? Can I join Akatsuki NOW?" Zetsu shook his head, muttering _"I do not know him. I do NOT know him..."_

"Psst! Deidara!" Kisame whispered. "Hey! Rock-head! Clayman! WORST ARTIST IN THE UNIVERSE!" Deidara glared at Kisame, using Itachi's patented 'You-are-so-dead' death glare. Itachi was sooo gonna get him for copywrite infringement later on. Seeing he had the young Iwa-nin's attention, he proceeded with what he was saying. "Okay, so, from what I've seen, Tobi will do just about ANYTHING to get into Akatsuki, right?" Deidara nodded. "Okay then, howabout we have a little 'initiation' to see if he's...ahem..'Akatsuki material'." Kisame finished, looking even more shark-like and evil.

"You mean Hazing? Isn't that illegal, un?"

"Only in college fraternities. And last time I checked, none of use were Frat-boy's."

"Wrong. Zetsu's in Phi-Beta-Kappa, un."

"Zetsu! Okay nevermind...I really don't want to know."

"So what do you propose we do?"

"Umm..." Kisame read through the reviews from random fanfiction chapters. "Lets see...'Beetchy Bebeh' says we should make him wear a miniskirt and supervise him while he walks around town."

"Oooh! make it a PINK miniskirt, un!"

And so the deal was set.

A few hours later, Kisame and Deidara approached Tobi as he sat outside on a log like the good boy that he was.

"Hey there, Tobi-san!" Kisame said in his friendliest voice. Deidara gave a small 'Un!' and waved while smiling at the young man.

"Oh, hello Kisame-san, hello Deidara-san!" Tobi replied in his usual polite manner.

"Hey Tobi, we hear you've been wanting to join Akatsuki. Is that right?"

"Oh, yes! Tobi wants very much to join Akatsuki. I'd do anything!"

"Really? Anything? Including..oh...I don't know...walking around town in a pink miniskirt? Just to see if you're akatsuki 'material' " Kisame continued smiling as Deidara held up a shockingly-pink miniskirt.

"Umm..." Tobi froze, his eyes stuck on the miniskirt_. "I really want to join...but...a miniskirt!" _He thought. Then again...if he did this, maybe Akatsuki would aknowledge him a little more! His brain battled out the options for a moment before coming to a decision. "How long would I have to wear it?" he said.

"Uhhh...until sunset. Yeah, that sounds good..." Kisame said, trying to think up something both funny and legitimate.

"Well...okay then." Tobi said as Deidara handed him the skirt. It was _bubblegum pink_, for crying out loud.

* * *

_-end flashback-

* * *

_

"So...Tobi, are you having fun, un?" asked a smiling Deidara.

"Uh..sure, whatever." _"Yeah, about as much fun as Kyuubi at Shukaku's birthday party." _he thought. "Umm..but why'd you guys have to take me to Iwagakure? And why'd I have to see the Tsuchikage?"

"Uhhh...Deidara was feeling homesick. Yeah, thats it."

Tobi sighed. Then, a pretty young lady with brown hair slowly walked up to Tobi. "Umm..here." she said, handing him a folded-up piece of paper. She patted him on the back, looked at his skirt, and said "That took guts." as she walked away.

"Dude! Did she just give you her number!" Kisame grabbed for the paper that the bewildered Tobi was holding.

"No way! Let me see, un!"

Kisame unfolded the paper, and insaid it said...

"For psychiatric help, just call 112-800-IMCRAZY"

"She thinks I'm...crazy?" Tobi moaned. Deidara and Kisame laughed as they lead the young man back to Akatsuki HQ in all his pink-skirted glory.

* * *

Okie-doke, there ya go! Haha poor Tobi...we just love to torture him...oh, and the whole 'Phi-Beta-Kappa' thing is just some fraternity name I heard on TV once...I thought it'd be funny if Zetsu was a frat boy.

I think I may make a fic about Roy Mustang wearing a miniskirt...that would be funny...

Next chapter is all up to you, folks! Remember to review and put your suggestions for ways to torture everyone's favourite akatsuki-wannabe, Tobi!

**oOoOoOo**


	3. Poison Ivy

Yay! New chapter is up! This one is short, and takes place during the aftermath of the previous chapter. Tobi is still a good boy!

Thanks to **Pyromaniac Aru of Pherae **who gave me the poison-ivy idea.

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS EITHER! THAT RIGHT BELONGS TO THE VERY-TALENTED KISHIMOTO-SENSEI!**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

"Ugh.." Deidara said. He layed down on his bed, apparently tired-out from the day's avents. "Haha..torturing..erm..._initiating_..Tobi sure is fun, un." He scratched his ear. "But doing stuff is hard work.." He closed his eyes. Suddenly he felt the urge to scratch his face. He did, but just as soon as he did, his arm started itching. "Hmm..." since when had he been so _itchy_..? He scratched at the itchies like mad. Suddenly, Zetsu and Kisame burst through the door, also scratching at their own itchies like dirty itchy hobos.

"DEIDARA! WATCH OUT FOR TOBI, HE HAS-" the both were cut off by Deidara.

"Poison Ivy...I know." Deidara kept scratching. Tobi poked his head in the door.

"Umm...Tobi is a good boy." he reminded them_. "Maybe they won't kill me too much."_

"NO YOU AREN'T, NOW SCRAM!" they screamed as they threw appliances at him and slammed the door shut. So now there were three very itchy Akatsuki's in one small bedroom, filling up the room with their itch.

"Um, Kisame, the leader is gonna notice that the ceiling fan is missing." the blonde reminded Mr. Sharky-Pants of his fan-throwing-ness.

"For once, I honestly don't care." Kisame scratched behind his gill-thingies. Itchy-fishy.

"I don't understand how I got poison ivy.." Zetsu said, puzzled. "I mean, I'm a fricken plant!"

"Yeah, good, now shut up and scratch my back." Deidara said blandly.

* * *

Yay! It was short, but still funny! **REVIEW PLEASE! **

**OROCHIMARU'S MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE GENIN TO THE YARD!**

**oOoOoOo**


	4. Extreme Pinkness!

Okay, another chappie of Tobi Torture! I honestly have no idea what I was thinking of when I wrote this chapter. I think I'd just fininshed reading a bunch of SasoxDei fics. I SUPPORT THIS PAIRING! But thats not your problem! Oh, and kudos to **Pyromaniac Aru of Pherae** who came up with this idea!

Just a quick warning for this chapter. It includes some DeidaraxSasori. If you don't like, don't read. Thats all!

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ANY OF THE OTHER ANIME/STUFF MENTIONED IN THIS FIC! THIS IS A DISCLAIMER, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.**

* * *

After they stopped being itchy, the three Akatsukis had...done something. Well, lets just say they went out, got drunk, came back, and now it was a few days later, so they won't have massive hangovers.

* * *

"So..whats our next plan of action gonna be, un?" Deidara asked his shark-partner-in-crime. Kisame scratched his chin, which is apparently what people, and sharks, do when they're thinking of ideas. Unfortunatley, before Kisame could reply, Sasori poked his head into the secret-ness. "What do you guys mean, 'Plan of Action'?" Sasori questioned. "Shush, Sasori-danna! Not so loud!" Deidara pulled his head down into the secret-circle-of-secretness. "Shh! We're trying to think of ways to...initiate..Tobi, un."

Kisame nodded. "Meaning, we're thinking of ways to torture him in a way that's funny to us."

"Ohh...so the skirt thing was your idea?" Sasori laughed. "That was funny. But don't you think Zetsu would be mad if he knew what you were doing?"

"Duh, why do you think we haven't told him, un?" Deidara and Kisame said at the same time. Except for the little '-,un.'. That was Deidara.

"Oooh!I'm gonna _tell!" _Sasori taunted with the tone of a preschooler. Boy, I'd have hated to be in the same class as him.

"NO!"

Sasori jumped up on the table. "OH ZETS-" he was cut off by Deidara and Kisame yanking his feet out from under him, thus causing him to fall flat on his face. He groaned and stood up. "What was that for?"

"Okay, Sasori, we give. What do you want?" Kisame said blankly. Sasori stood there for a second, pondering over what he wanted. "I want in." he said, finally.

"Fine. You get to be a part of this, and in exchange you keep your big-puppety-danna mouth shut around Zetsu, un!" Deidara said. "So, does Sasori-danna have any ideas, or is he just gonna sit there like a log, un?" the blonde girl..er..boy taunted.

"HOLD ON A SEC, DID THE AUTHOR JUST CALL ME A GIRL!"

-cough-

Erm...lets just ignore that part...

Sasori sat there, pondering. Ponder, ponder, ponder, ponder, ponder, ponder and one more ponder PONDER! At last he said, "What if we bleach all the black out of his clothes?" Upon hearing this, Deidara jumped up. "Ooh! Ooh! And then we can dye them pink! Un!" The two artists hi-fived each other and the music from 'Happy Days' started playing in the background.

"Deidara, I've been meaning to ask you this. What is with you and the colour pink?" Kisame tilted his head to the side in an 'I don't get it' stance. It was true; last time he'd suggested a PINK miniskirt, this time PINK dye.

"Its Sasori-danna's favourite colour." Deidara said as he hugged his fellow artist.

"It is not!"

"Hmm? Then why is everything you own pink? Pink socks...pink phone...pink-"

"OK! I get it! But what does that have to do with you?" Kisame asked again.

"Well..." the Iwa-nin smiled. "Sasori's favourite colour is mine too because I love him!" Sasori blushed. Wait..can puppets blush? Lets just say he can for the sake of the story.

"WHAT!" Kisame nearly had a heart attack. "DUDE, YOU _DO_ REALIZE THAT THAT'S YAOI, RIGHT?" His eyes darted back and forth from Deidara to Sasori.

"Yeah, but people think Deidara's a girl anyways so, go figure." the red-haired sand ninja (omg wtf they all have red hair) shrugged.

"You too!"

"You're just jealous cuz you don't have a girlfriend and Itachi won't sleep with you" at this, Deidara planted a kiss right on Sasori's lips. Kisame passed out. The remaining akatsukis laughed, then decided to wake him up.

"Ugh...DEIDARA IS THAT YOUR HAND LICKING MY FACE?" Kisame sprung back to consciouness. "EEW!" he danced around the room doing the 'Eew-eew-stick-yucky-hand-licky-gross-blech' dance. This resulted in another eruption of laughter from Sasori and Deidara.

"Haha...ha..okay, so, are we gonna do this or not?" Sasori laughed

"...Do what?" Deidara looked at him, puzzled.

"Honestly, do you really have _that short _of an attention span?" Sasori shook his head in frustration. Deidara made a kitty face, causing Sasori to start laughing once again. (For a good example of the kitty face, see the FMA: CoS OAV where Al made a kitty face. Cute!)

* * *

A few hours later, everyone had stopped laughing, and somehow they'd figured out how to get Tobi's clothes. Well, Sasori had figured out how to get them. Deidara still hadn't stopped hugging him, and Kisame couldn't fit in the doorbecause he's so damn tall.

"Man, I don't care if you and Deidara are _that way_, you are a genius, my friend. A pure genius." Kisame said as he walked towards the laundry room carrying Tobi's infamous clothes.

Deidara smiled. "Thats Sasori-danna for ya!"

"I still don't get what the bread was for, though." Kisame dumped the clothes into the washing machine.

"Oh that? Deidara gets hungry sometimes, so I always bring along a few slices of bread." Sasori said as he measured out a cup of bleach. Deidara, becoming impatient, grabbed the bleach and dumped the whole bottle into the wash. "Hah! That'll do it!" he wiped his hands off with a 'Hmph'.

"So...if the bread was for Deidara, why are we putting it in the washing machine?"

"Um...I really have no idea." Sasori admitted. Deidara, meanwhile, was pressing random buttons on the washing machine. Suddenly, the machine started doing whatever it is that washing machines do when they're...washing. Swish swish swish swish...

A few minutes or whatever later, the machine was done manchine-ing, and they took the now-white clothes out of the dryer.

"See! Behold the wonders of bleach!" Deidara held up the clothes for all to see. "Ta-da! Un!"

BLEACH! Then the entire cast of Bleach came running by, plus Ichigo's alter-ego Fro-zo aka Shinichigo.

"HIIIIIIYA!" Deidara waved.

"What the hell, this is the wrong set you idiots! I'll kill you!" Uryuu screamed at the other cast members. Just then, Itachi walked by. Upon hearing Uryuu's voice, he said, "Sasuke? Is that you?" -yes, this is blind Itachi- "How did you find out where I was?" Uryuu just stood there like 'WTF man'. "I see...you're giving me the silent treatment. Well, I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED! MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!" Itachi used Amaterasu and burned Uryuu's ass into who-knows-where.

After the Bleach cast died or ran away somewhere, Sasori, Deidara and Kisame stood there, blank looks on their faces.

"O-kaaaay then..." Kisame said. He picked up a packet of powdered colour dye and poured it in a bucket of water. "So, do we just dip the clothes in this stuff and then 'bam' they're pink?"

"Um, yeah. I think thats about it, un." Deidara said, preoccupied with painting a slice of bread. As Kisame and Sasori were soaking the clothes in the pink dye-water, Deidara was suddenly struck by an idea.

Meanwhile, Kisame and Sasori were preoccupied with the dye-ing.

"So, how long should we let it sit?"

"I don't know. Just wait a while."

"But, I'm bored."

"Ok then. Kisame, you're a fish. Now, think that over for a while and maybe you won't be bored."

"But, I get all FIDGETY" Kisame said impatiently as he tapped his feet. Suddenly, they were interrupted by a swishing sound as well as a 'GARBLE!" from the washing machine. They both looked over to see the washing machine was running again, and Deidara was nowhere in sight.

"OMG DEIDARA YOU IDIOT!" they both screamed as Sasori flug open the washing machine lid. They looked inside to see a very happy Deidara sitting with in an odd position. "Hello Kisame! Hello Sasori-danna! Did you see me in the washing machine, un? Oh wait, I'm still here!" Deidara laughed.

A few minutes later they managed to get a sopping-wet Deidara out of the washing machine and they were now waiting for the moment of truth when they would see if Tobi's clothes were pink-ified.

"Ok, ready?" Kisame dipped his hands in the bucket. "3...2...1!" he pulled out Tobi's once-black clothes, which were now a vibrant neon pink.

"Yaaay!" Deidara clapped his hands like an ecstatic five-year-old.

"We're not done yet", Sasori said "We still have to dry them out and get them back to wherever Tobi keeps his junk."

"Thats probably Zetsu's room."

"..." They all stood there. After about a minute, Sasori broke the silence by opening the door of the dryer-machine. "Okay then, lets get these dryed out and back to Tobi so we can all have a good laugh."

* * *

Whirly whirly whirly whirly whirly the dryer machine went whirly whirly whirly...

* * *

30 minutes, 2 slices of bread, a mongoose, and a pair of socks later, the trio was walking back to wherever it was they were gonna go, while carrying a stack of neatly-folded pinkness. They reached the room that Zetsu shared with Tobi, peeked in the door, then rushed inside so as not to be seen.

"Ok, good, Zetsu isn't here right now. Now, lets drop these off and wait.." Kisame laid the clothes on the bed.

"Ooh! Wait!" Deidara said, giddily, as he placed a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers at the foot of the bed. "There! Now its a complete work of art, un!"

* * *

-later-

* * *

The members of Akatsuki sat at the circular table in the kitchen late that evening. Zetsu was reading the paper, Sasori was having a tea party with Hiruko and his other puppets, Itachi was reading the newest tankoubon of 'Hagane no Renkin Jutsushi' (he had his sharingan activated so he wasn't blind right now), Kisame was feeding his pet golfish 'Kisame Jr.', Deidara was making a clay sculpture of a Chocobo from Final Fantasy X, Hidan was eating biscuits whilst participating in Sasori's tea party (he was wearing a dress too) , Kakuzu was shaking his head and muttering obscene things about 'why the hell did I get stuck with that freak as my partner', and the Akatsuki leader was asleep on the ceiling fan. Thats where he sleeps.

"zzzzz...SNOOORE...zzz"

"Dear God, can somebody PLEASE get him to shut-up!" Sasori covered his puppety-ear-thingies as the Akatsuki leader snored on the ceiling fan.

Just then, footsteps were heard, followed by a loud wail of annoyance, "Zetsu-saaaaannnnnn..." Tobi walked into the room, dressed in his normal clothes. Only they weren't 'normal'. Instead, they were bright pink, accompanied by pink bunny slippers. Zetsu stood up, then fainted when he saw this. Deidara, Sasori and Kisame just stared for a second and then started laughing their asses off. Kisame laughed so hard he turned blue...oh wait, he was already blue. Itachi stared for a moment too, before burying his face in his cloak while trying not to laugh. He failed at this, and burst out laughing (like Shino did in episode 186!). Tobi just stood there, in all of his pink glory_. "This is worse than miniskirts..." _he thought.

* * *

Yayyyyy! I finally finished this chapter! It took me FOREVER cuz I kept getting distracted. But I hope you like it! Oh, a few notes:

1. I personally am a HUGE fan of DeidaraxSasori pairings. I think they'd make a cute couple! If you have a problem with that...well, good for you. I also like ShinoxHinata, KimimaroxOrochimaru, and a few more.

2. Ok, I just HAD to do the whole 'Bleach' thing. I mean, c'mon, how could you have them bleaching Tobi's clothes without having someone from Bleach come in! Oh, and Itachi mistook Uryuu for Sasuke because Uryuu and Sasuke have the same seiyuu in the original Japanese anime. Fro-zo is Ichigo's alter-ego from on of my other fanfictions.

3. FMA:CoS OAV is the OAV selection from Fullmetal Alchemist Conqueror of Shambala. It features the CoS characters having a party, in CHIBI FORM! CHIBI ENVY IS SOOOO ADORABLE! And Al made a kitty face. Hagane no Renkin Jutsushi is the Japanese romanjii version of 'Fullmetal Alchemist'.

4. Chocobo are those weird bird-thingies you can ride on in Final Fantasy X. Deidara actually made one once, during the 'Capture Gaara Jinchuuriki' manga arc. I also think I found some info that said Chocobo are an extinct form of bird-thingy. I just play too much FF.

* * *

Ok, happy? **REVIEW PLEASE! IF YOU DO I'LL...GIVE YOU TWO COOKIES!**

**oOoOoOo**


	5. Revenge on Hiruko

Just a mini-chapter of Tobi's revenge on Sasori. Uh...yeah, I hope you like it!

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ANY OTHER ANIME!**

* * *

Tobi knew it was them.

He knew that Kisame and Deidara had something to do with his recnet aquiring of pinkness. He also knew that Sasori was now in league with them, because he'd been the one to steal his clothes.

So he decided to exact his revenge upon the puppeteer.

Quietly, while Sasori was out at the market buying food or whatever, Tobi snuck into his room, carrying something.

A few minutes later, he snuck back out.

* * *

-an hour later, after Sasori got back from the market-

* * *

"Boy, I got a good deal on the cabbage for that stir-fry I've been meaning to make." he held up his spoils, which consisted of various vegetables, five boxes of 'Little Prince Curry', some orange-flavoured soda, and various other groceries. He opened the door to his room, stepped inside, and... 

...promptly dropped all his merchandise as he gazed upon the sight in front of him.

His prized puppet, Hiruko, was laying there just as it had been before he left, only with a few minor differences added by everyone's favourite wannabee-akatsuki.

Pink flowers were painted all over the frame of the puppet, along with chibi-bunnies, kitties, and other insanely cute things. Oh, and for no reason at all, the words 'SOUL PATROL' were wrote on the facial structure.

Sasori stood there, gasping in horror. "My...puppet...what happened too..." he stuttered. Suddenly, the reality of it all sunk into his mind, and he screamed out in anger.

"TOBI, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!"

* * *

Lol. Can't you just imagine Tobi painting little cutsey things all over Hiruko? Oh, and the whole 'SOUL PATROL' thing is something my friend Jordan did. I was having everyone sign my pants on the last day of school, and she signed them 'PROPERTY OF THE SOUL PATROL'. Its not Bleach-related. The chibi-bunny I was imagining is actually Rukia's favourite littlebunny from Bleach.

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**THATS ALL FOLKS!**

**oOoOoOo**


	6. Extreme Pinkness Part 2

Hmm yeah, I was bored and I had already started this chappie so I decided to finish it, along with starting a few more chapters of 'Tobi Torture'! Thanks to everyone for their reviewing and thanks for reading! Yeah!

This fic was thought up while listening to Duran Duran's 'Girls on Film'. Yesh. Thats also the Speed Grapher (JP) opening.

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, AKATSUKI, DURAN DURAN, ETC, ETC, ANYTHING ELSE! I DO OWN AN AWESOME NEW STRAWBERRY MARSHMALLOW DVD! w00t!**

**oOoOoOo

* * *

**

Continuing his rein of revenge, Tobi decided to play a prank on Deidara as well. He kinda ignored Kisame for now because...well, he's a fish.

The young man clad in black snuck over to Deidara's room this time. From outside we could hear Deidara's soft snoring.

"Hehe...now for Revenge Part 2-Deidara"

He snuck into the room, closing the door slowly behind him.

A little less than thirty minutes later, he snuck out as silently as he had snuck in. He brushed his hands off on his pants, leaving a pink smear behind. Oh yeah, he'd bought more clothes so he wouldn't have to wear the pink ones.

Some time later that night, Deidara woke up for his mid-night snack-a-roo. He flopped out of bed in his boxer shorts and grabbed for the doorknob. He finally got it after running into the wall a few times.

"Hey, yeah, oww...un." he said, rubbing his head. Deidara definately did not have the worlds-greatest night vision. He walked out into the unlit hallway, his long hair swishing with his movements, and stumbled towards the kitchen_. "I think I'll make a cucumber-and-salmon sandwich with mustard and onion rings and marshmallow fluff and..." _he thought over his snacking options. Deidara was known to be the worlds strangest eater, usually settling for something strange like chocolate-covered onion rings or mashed potatoes with peanut butter and kippers. (I have eaten all the items metioned here along with many other concoctions; they are snack creations made by me during the wee hours of the morning.)

The young man finally reached the kitchen (after running into numerous items strewn throughout the hallway) and opened the refrigerator. _"Hmm...rice, mayonnaise, whipped topping, leftovers..."_ he peered further into the refridgerator. _"Kippers...wasabi...mangoes...kimchi..." _

Deidara sighed and pushed a piece of his fallen hair back behind his ear. "I guess these will have to do, un." he muttered, grabbing the rice, whipped creme and wasabi. He hesitated for a moment, pondering his options, then finally reached for the tin of kippers. He set his 'ingredients' on the countertop, and started his greatest artistic work ever.

"Hmm yeah, so first I smear the wasabi on the rice, then lay the kippers on top, and then.." he held up the whipped creme can and turned its nozzle onto the rice-wasabi-kipper mountain. "Squirt whipped creme all over it! Un!" He laughed manically as he covered the rice in whipped-creme-y goodness. A starnd of his hair fell into his eyes and he went to brush it away while shoving a spoonful of the food into his mouth_. "Stupid pink hair...wait...pink hair!" _he thought

"ZOMFG WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAAAAAIR?" Deidara cried, nearly choking on his food. Tobi snuck by and took his picture.

_"Hehe...blackmail..."

* * *

_

Notes:

1. Some of you may have noticed my references to Deidara in boxer shorts, with his hair down, etc. I DO think of Itachi as the hottest character on Naruto, but now that I've realized he IS INDEED a guy, and after seeing some very -ahem- _sexy_ fanart of him, I have come to a realization that DEIDARA IS HOT TOO! So now my 'List of hot Naruto characters' includes Itachi, Deidara, Sakon, Kimimaro, Kankurou, Haku,Yondaime Hokage and Shino. Squee.

2. Yes, as I said before, all the snacks and ingredients Deidara was talking about/etc ARE things I've eaten before. I suffer from extreme insomnia, so even when I do sleep, I usually wake up at about 3am and make myself a snack. Other snacks include okonomiyaki with chocolate sauce, baked potatoes stuffed with sushi, veggie-burgers with natto and mustard, etc.

3. Kimchi is a Korean pickled-cabbage dish. (Bad description; I know). The kind I eat is very spicy. Okonomiyaki is Japanese-style pizza (very different from American pizza). Kippers are little tins of canned fishies (like sardines) such as herring, etc. I love kippers. (The proper name is 'kippered herring' or such, but its easier to say 'kippers').

4. Thanks to Pyromaniac Aru of Pheraefor the Deidara-pink-hair idea. Thanks to everyone for reviewing, I'll add more chapters soon!

* * *

I'm sorry this chapter wasn't all that great, but I'm really busy right now. I promise I will write more chapters soon! Pleeeeaaassseee review!

**Peace, Love, Doggie Treats, and TOBI!**

**oOoOoOo**


	7. The End of the Beginning of the End

Hello everyone! Welcome to the newest chapter of Tobi Torture! Thsi will be the final chapter, as Tobi was accepted into Akatsuki in the manga. A while ago, actually.

I'm still getting back into the fanfiction 'groove', so I apologize if anything sounds weird.

A special thanks to AkiraDawn for getting me interested in fanfiction again with her hilarious Akatsuki stories.

Read and Enjoy!

**I don't own Naruto. And 'Fun With Akatsuki' belongs to the marvelous, talented OmniStrife.**

**oOoOoOo**

* * *

It had been weeks...no...months...no..ketchup!

...wait...

No.

It had been a long time since the incidents in the previous chapter had taken place. So long, in fact, that Fullmidget Alchemist and Tobi had forgotten them.

* * *

-in Akatsuki HQ-

* * *

"ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG!!!" Tobi was currently running around in circles "I GOT ACCEPTED INTO AKATSUKI!"

"Big deal." Sasori said, flipping through a magazine. "It's not like it's Yale or something."

"Hey, you're in my seat." Kakuzu said, walking over to where Sasori was sitting.

"Fuck off, I was here first."

"Well it's my seat."

"I don't see your NAME on it, fatass."

"YEAH BUT THE INDENTION FROM ME SITTING THERE FOR HOURS ON END IS THERE!"

Sasori stood up and looked at where he'd been sitting. Sure enough, an indented shape that resembles Kakuzu's backside was there.

"OH THAT IS JUST DISGUSTING!" Sasori grabbed his magazine and trudged off towards his room. Kakuzu made a 'hmph' sound and sat down.

Meanwhile, Tobi was still running around in circles. "ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG-"

"I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW A DOBE LIKE YOU GOT INTO AKATSUKI, HMM!" Deidara screamed over the sound of Tobi's 'ZOMG'-ing and Kakuzu's 'I'm-watching-TV-with-the-volume-turned-waaay-up'-ing. "TURN THE FUCKING TV DOWN, KAKUZU! THIS IS WHY KISHIMOTO KILLED YOU OFF IN THE MANGA, HMM!"

"YEAH WELL SASORI DIED IN THE MANGA TOO!" Kakuzu screamed, eyes still focused on the TV.

Itachi blinked behind a pair of thick black glasses. "I thought I destroyed the TV in that one episode of 'Fun With Akatsuki'..."

"Yeah, but the Leader replaced it so we can all watch CSI and Bleach."

Deidara stopped strangling Kakuzu for a moment, "Bleach? What's that about Bleach?" he sighed, "Ishida is such a dreamboat..."

Hidan, who had just entered the room, sat down on the couch beside Kakuzu. "Are you kidding? Kenpachi is better. He's fuckin' nuts!"

"I prefer Aizen, myself." Kakuzu said matter-of-factly

Everyone blinked and stared at Kakuzu. Except Itachi, who stared at a wall instead because of his near-blindness.

"THAT'S WHY NO ONE LIKES YOU! YOU HAVE SUCH WEIRD TASTE, HMM!" Deidara screamed as he resumed strangling Kakuzu.

And Tobi just kept running around in circles holding up his Akatsuki coat like a cape.

"I'M SUPERMAN! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! AND I'M IN AKATSUKI!"

* * *

-End-

* * *

So, there we have it. Tobi's officially in Akatsuki now (yay!) according to a manga chapter that was released a looong time ago. I think it may have been 317.

This also marks Fullmidget Alchemist's return to Naruto. Yes, that's right, I'm finally interested in it again!

Review please!

**oOoOoOo**


End file.
